Until the end
by Speklez
Summary: Why give up, why give in? It's not enough, It never is. So I will go on until the end. We've become desolate. It's not enough, it never is. But, I will go on until the end. *Song fic to Breaking Benjamin's Until the end*


**So, here is my very first one shot... be sure to tell me what you think.**

**I do not own the song or the characters herein**

**Enjoy**

***X***

_So clever, whatever_  
_I'm done with these endeavors._  
_Alone I'll walk the winding way_  
_(here I stay)_

She didn't recognize herself anymore as she looked in the mirror. Her once shining brown eyes dull to the passage of time, to the pain and torment of her broken soul, a soul she didn't even have anymore. She had given it away to the one that still held her heart and mind. He was everywhere she looked, whether she was awake or dreaming. She couldn't get away from his haunting memory no matter how hard she tried.

And she did try.

Sort of.

No one understood because no one knew. She didn't love a boy that moved away. She loved a vampire that left for her safety. She didn't know how she knew that, not after the heart shredding words that he told her, but she just KNEW that he didn't mean them. He was only doing what he thought was best, as he always did. She couldn't fault him for that. No, that was for everyone else to do because they didn't know.

As she looked in the mirror a moment longer, trying to find the last remaining shred of her 'give a fuck' reserve, she shook her head a little before giving up. It didn't matter anyways. Everyone knew she was broken so there was no need to try and prove otherwise. She was done with everything.

Leaving the bathroom and entering her room, her eyes ghosted over the space, her mind supplying memory after memory of the things they had done, of the things she had wished they had the time to do.

Grasping her chest as her heart shattered a little more, she took a deep breath and let it out through trembling lips. She never felt more alone as she did in this room. Never felt his absence more than when sleeping upon her bed. It was always too hot. There was always too much room. She wanted to leave, to run away from her pain and find something to fill the void he left in his wake but she knew if she did, he would come back and think she had moved on, that she was over him.

So she stayed and faced a world without him.

_It's over, No longer_  
_I feel it growing stronger_  
_I'll live to die another day_  
_Until I fade away_

As she walked down the steps to the first floor of the house she shared with her father, she slipped by him as he sat in his chair watching a game that was on and into the kitchen to begin the next part of her act, the act of living when she was anything but.

As she moved about the room, pulling out ingredients for that night's meal, her mind once again flashed back to the past she wished was her present, looking to the chair he always sat in as she prepared dinner, choking on her breath as she watched him give her that crooked smile as he faded from her sight.

A gasped whimper left her lips as she dropped the milk from her hand, bringing it up to cover her mouth to muffle the sound. Eyes squeezing shut and head shaking, she once again grabbed her chest as the now familiar rippling explosion of anguish tore her apart. It was always this way, right after she saw him, heard his heavenly voice caress her ears like a lullaby. It was when the torture was always the worst, always there in the back of her mind to destroy the last remaining fragments of her heart as it struggled to beat in a perfect rhythm, to start once again after it stopped.

But it always did restart, always did settle back into a pulse that told her she was still alive in someway, even if she didn't want to be.

_Why give up, why give in_  
_It's not enough, it never is_  
_So I will go on until the end_  
_We've become desolate_  
_It's not enough, it never is_  
_But I will go on until the end_

Leaning on the counter's edge, one hand on her chest, she gripped the overhang with the other to keep herself on her feet, though it would be so easy to just give herself over to the abyss she was dangling just above. The rock beneath her fingers crumbling with the passing seconds threatening to give way under the weight of her grief. It would truly be so easy to just let go and give into temptation and let go on her own... but she promised. She promised to live and she would keep it, even if it was killing her inside.

She never spoke to anyone anymore, too afraid to hear their assessment of her and her inability to move forward in life and see there are other things to live for. She was too afraid to tell them that there was nothing in this world that would ever compare to the life changing experience she had, that nothing would compare to him.

But she promised to live and so she would continue on until her heart no longer continued to beat.

_Surround me, It's easy_  
_To fall apart completely_  
_I feel you creeping up again_  
_(in my head)_

As the day grew older, she continued to walk blindly through her life, her lie. She ate without taste. Saw with no color. Breathed without air. As the light of the day began to die, so did she as she crawled under her blanket, wrapping it around her in a certain way so as to feel like she was once again in his arms only to kick it away when the heat of the night engulfed her.

Grabbing a pillow, HIS pillow, and pulling it to her chest, she buried her face in the cotton cover, breathing deep only to be reminded of the passing of time when his scent was nowhere to be found.

Tears springing to her eyes, in the dark and quiet, she allowed herself the escape, the short reprieve from her dim reality as the water leaked from her eyes, the pillow covering and silencing her shuddering sobs and wails as she once again immersed in the past and the feel of his frozen arms.

_It's over, no longer_  
_I feel it growing colder_  
_I knew this day would come to end_  
_So let this life begin_

Tightening her hold on her pillow, she searched once more for his scent deep inside the fabric and fluff only to cry out quietly as finding that it had truly vanished, the last thing she had of him, the last proof he was real... gone.

Slow and dangerous ice filled her veins, freezing her from the inside to the depths of the very core of her being. She felt her heart sink and stomach revolt as dark and morose thoughts began to surface. Without that, the last part of him that was still present in her life, what did she have?

She had nothing.

She held so tightly to something she knew would one day disappear, would one day cease to exist. She knew it was only a matter of time before it left her too and it would seem that that day had arrived. The day had arrived that sun had set on her and she was left in the dark, alone and forgotten. Alone and defenseless against the raging storm just under her skin, just out of sight and beyond comprehension.

But she promised to live so she would continue on until her heart couldn't be rebuilt.

_Why give up, why give in_  
_It's not enough, it never is_  
_So I will go on until the end_  
_We've become desolate_  
_It's not enough, It never is_  
_But I go on until the end_

As more time passed, as the days continued to come and go, she stayed where she was, stuck in a past that destroyed her with every minute, every second. The girl in the mirror continued to change, continued to die before her eyes. As she looked at the girl she had become, she was unable to see who she once was. She could no longer remember when her eyes sparkled when she smiled, ignited when she was upset. She could no longer distinguish this poor excuse of a human being from the once shining star she once was. That was a lifetime ago, a life when she was happy, when he was there to surround her in warmth and love.

Why was she still here, why was she still suffering? Surely somewhere there was an angel to take pity on her and end her torment. She never saw anyone anymore. Not even the stranger she lived with. She was completely on her own now. There was no light in her life, no sun to warm her skin and soul.

She was a shell and she did it to herself.

_I've lost my way_

Looking her reflection in the eyes, she swallowed hard.

_I've lost the way_

She searched deep in the dull chocolate orbs for something, anything, to hold on to.

_But I will go on until the end_

She promised to live and so she would until she was finally granted mercy.

_Living is hard enough_

She picked up the shaving cream can and held it in her hand

_WIthout you fucking up_

Looking back in her dead eyes, she smashed the mirror that only told lies.

_Why give up, why give in  
It's not enough, it never is  
So I will go on until the end  
We've become desolate  
It's not enough, It never is  
But I will go on until the end_

Looking down at the shattered remains of the glass that reflected her death, she decided that she wasn't going to let this define her any longer. She wasn't going to let this beat her. For months she mourned a loss that was inevitable anyways. She was never promised the life she wanted, the life she yearned for.

She had pushed everyone away, isolated herself in a shell of her own making. She had done it all in the hopes he would be back, that she was right about him caring about her still. She prayed for his return and all she had was the sweet and loving caress of her memories that she could hardly separate from reality anymore it seemed.

They didn't do him the justice he deserved. She didn't keep the promise she had made. She had promised to live but all she did was act like it. An act that had never been real. An act that had never been convincing.

_I've lost my way_

Picking up a shard of glass and holding it to her face, her eyes told the truth that the mirror had hidden from her.

_I've lost the way_

She was still there. She just had to try.

_But I will go on until the end_

She made a new promise to herself to live until the day she died.

_The final fight I'll win_

Dropping the lying glass back into the sink, she turned from the shattered remains of her past and held her head high against the promise of the future. Squared her shoulder in pride to the promise to have a future.

_The final fight I'll win_

Walking into her room, she stopped short, her breath catching in her throat at the sight that filled her eyes. As she beheld the one that left, that took her heart and soul so long ago, she took a deep breath and pointed to the window that hadn't been open in nearly a year. Brown eyes sparking with life and resolve, a cracking and rough voice filled the room.

_The final fight I'll win_

_"Leave."_

_But I will go on until the end._


End file.
